Post by Box of Rain on Nov 25, 2007 5:34:56 GMT -5
Bah, I like this story.
It's fiction/non-fiction in a way.
It came straight from my heart. <3
Pacing the room takes a lot out of you. I've been pacing for God knows how long now. My mind is cluttered with only thoughts of you. It's been like this for a while now. I barely remember when it started happening; when you pulled me into this paradigm shift of love, lust, confusion, and hurt.
It was back in March, if I can recall. Suddenly the Earth seemed much greener. I began to notice smells, tastes, and sights with such a lucidity I started to wonder if perhaps I was living a dream. I couldn't imagine what was causing it. But then that wonderful Monday morning, I came inside your room and I saw your face. Instantly, I melted in your gaze. From that moment on, I couldn't ever take my eyes off of you. My heart shattered into millions of shards if you ever broke our gaze. I had never felt like this before in all my life.
I remembered back in January, you talked to me for the first time. You actually talked to me because you wanted to. At the time I just thought you were doing your job, but now I see it was so much more. I was struggling with life, constantly down and under a lot of stress. You were the first to notice, the first to even give a damn. You beckoned me to you, and like the good little lamb I was, I went straight to the shepherd. Who would have known you were actually a wolf under all that clothing?
You told me you were concerned that my grades in other classes were dropping. You said it'd be okay, if I dropped yours. I got a little offended. I thought you were kicking me out. My face must have faltered, or you've got X-ray eyes, because you noticed the disappointment. You quickly saved yourself by telling me that you really liked me and didn't want to see me leave, but you thought it would be in my best concern to concentrate more on my core classes. I admit I was still very pissed at you as I turned to leave. But then you said something that gave me a total change of heart.
"It must be hard to carry all those books around with you," you said. And you said that sentence with the utmost sincerity and sadness on your face. You broke my heart that winter by caring for me. I had to leave the room before I broke down in front of you. I know underneath the exo-skeleton of what you said was the true meaning, and the true meaning was this: "I love you and I worry about you." I knew you were different from all the rest then.
I stopped skipping school because you asked me to. I've been asked by plenty of people, been threatened numerous times to stop cutting class, but I never listened. Until you said it, that is. I don't know what it is you have over me. You gained my soul by winning over my heart and mind. That happened in February, the sequel to the first event that occurred a month earlier.
It was midterms. I sped through my Spanish exam like a vegetarian with irritable bowel syndrome trying to get to a restroom that's forty miles away. I flipped my scrap paper over and began to doodle. Suddenly, a shadow is looming overcast over my paper. It was too tall and masculine to be her. I look up and there you were, watching me doodle. I waved silently but energetically to you, both of us knowing perfectly well we had to be quiet. You began to analyze my drawings, much in the same way you analyze me. The words you spoke to me would forever change my life, but I didn't know it yet.
"You're weird. But in the good way. I like you. A lot. You remind me of myself. You know, I'm a closet Trekkie. But if you tell anyone, I may have to kick you out of my class, and I don't wanna do that, because I like you a lot," you spoke those words and they stuck to my heart much in the same way poorly cooked rice does to a rusty pan. I laughed so hard I had to stuff my fist in my mouth so I wouldn't get thrown out of the exam. If I had known how much I loved you then, that situation could have gone much more differently.
That brings us back to where we were at the beginning. It was March when I recognized my feelings for you. I thought it was just a phase. But then I found myself thinking about you all the time, having to see you, needing to be near you. I knew this was much more than a schoolgirl crush. I had to have your eyes on me. I had to show you who I was and what I could do. I wanted to show you just how smart and clever I really was. Many times it backfired in my face. I admit I must have looked pretty stupid or foolish at times. I wish I could go back and erase that humiliation. And yet, you still never showed signs of disliking me in the least. On the contrary, you seemed to be as attracted to me as I was to you, but in a different sense of the word.
I think you wanted to get deep inside my mind as you could. You knew you had me hooked. I knew it too. I soon found myself tongue-tied around you. I could not spit out a single sentence without stuttering or getting nervous and choking up or turning bright red. You made my heart beat three times the pace it should. It's a wonder you didn't give me a heart attack. Could you hear my heart song calling to you? Could you? Did you hear it's sad, sorrowful verses crying out, "Love me? Please, love me." Did you sense the fear of rejection? Did you notice it in my eyes, the love I was giving you in my mind's eye? Oh it is true. I was loving you so deeply every time I looked at you, even while you were speaking to me. Could you tell? Did you ever notice how I was purposely trying to never break your gaze? I know you had to give undivided attention to the rest of the peers but I wanted it all. I selfishly and shamelessly craved your sole attention.
Soon it got to the point where nothing mattered anymore. No one else was important. My friends? To Hell with them, they couldn't possibly understand what I was going through, even the stuff not related to you. But you knew. I know you did. You sent me visions in my sleep. I had this one dream, and I will remember it clearly, that I was crying and you were holding me. You were caressing my neck with your tongue and massaging my shoulders, doing the only thing you knew how to do; to love. In between kisses you comforted me with those words I'd always dreamed of hearing.
You said, "It'll be all right, girl. I'll make it okay. I love you, don't cry." Then you took my hand and led it into yours, teaching it, telling me where to go and how to make everything right. Before I knew it, we were making love. Not sex mind you. We were making true love. We kissed so much I was almost certain we'd run out of air. I began to run my soft, ivory hands all over your body, caressing and tantalizing every inch of you; I had to make sure I got my fill in case I never felt this again. You took my hand and told me that tonight was my night and not to worry about pleasing you. You told me that I pleased you just by being there.
That's when you showed me things I could have never fantasized about before. You knew exactly where to touch, where exactly I needed love. And you did it in the least dirty way possible. You made me feel like I was your lover, your equal, and not some vulnerable sex object. I woke up from that wonderful dream and that's when I knew you loved me too. You sent me that dream and many more after it. You wanted to show me how much you did care.
I could see your affection clearly in the way you looked at me. You'd always have a straight face and a steel-casing over your eyes. But then your glance would wash over me, and you immediately burst into a huge grin and your eyes would soften at once, but still remaining fierce with passion. And I knew that day, and everyday you looked at me, you loved me too. If being able to make someone spontaneously burst into a smile just by seeing their face isn't love, then what is?
But here's the clincher. Every time you'd come around, my knees would get so weak. I felt like a table with a missing leg. Every time I saw you in the hallway, my heart would skip eight beats. I was certain you'd be the death of me. When you were around me, helping my friends, my hands shook so violently I thought I was having seizures. But then, something glorious happened. I got the courage to come in and see you all on my own, without one of my cohorts tagging along. You were in your room with another student. He was telling you something you had a lot of interest in, so I waited. But you interrupted him because you wanted to give me your full attention. I asked you if you could draw me some angel wings (I told you it was for my project, but in reality, it was because I always pictured you as an angel in blue jeans), and you did. Your eyes met mine, and for the first time, your face blushed almost as violently as mine always did. And as you set to draw the wings for me, your hands shook in exactly the same way mine did. That's how I know you love me.
That leads me back to the room I'm in now, pacing and wondering. I'm wondering, "How long is it going to be until we see each other again?" Will you still love me? Will you remember all that we had and all that we know? I'm scared to see you. But I need you. I need you in such a way it's scary. It scared the shit out of me sometimes. I wish I had a shirt of yours, a handkerchief, anything! I just want to hold it, smell it, taste it, and cherish it forever. I need you here. I sit down at my desk and open the drawer. I do have something of yours. Those angel wings you drew for me. You will always be my angel in blue jeans, and also my devil in disguise.
It's fiction/non-fiction in a way.
It came straight from my heart. <3
Pacing the room takes a lot out of you. I've been pacing for God knows how long now. My mind is cluttered with only thoughts of you. It's been like this for a while now. I barely remember when it started happening; when you pulled me into this paradigm shift of love, lust, confusion, and hurt.
It was back in March, if I can recall. Suddenly the Earth seemed much greener. I began to notice smells, tastes, and sights with such a lucidity I started to wonder if perhaps I was living a dream. I couldn't imagine what was causing it. But then that wonderful Monday morning, I came inside your room and I saw your face. Instantly, I melted in your gaze. From that moment on, I couldn't ever take my eyes off of you. My heart shattered into millions of shards if you ever broke our gaze. I had never felt like this before in all my life.
I remembered back in January, you talked to me for the first time. You actually talked to me because you wanted to. At the time I just thought you were doing your job, but now I see it was so much more. I was struggling with life, constantly down and under a lot of stress. You were the first to notice, the first to even give a damn. You beckoned me to you, and like the good little lamb I was, I went straight to the shepherd. Who would have known you were actually a wolf under all that clothing?
You told me you were concerned that my grades in other classes were dropping. You said it'd be okay, if I dropped yours. I got a little offended. I thought you were kicking me out. My face must have faltered, or you've got X-ray eyes, because you noticed the disappointment. You quickly saved yourself by telling me that you really liked me and didn't want to see me leave, but you thought it would be in my best concern to concentrate more on my core classes. I admit I was still very pissed at you as I turned to leave. But then you said something that gave me a total change of heart.
"It must be hard to carry all those books around with you," you said. And you said that sentence with the utmost sincerity and sadness on your face. You broke my heart that winter by caring for me. I had to leave the room before I broke down in front of you. I know underneath the exo-skeleton of what you said was the true meaning, and the true meaning was this: "I love you and I worry about you." I knew you were different from all the rest then.
I stopped skipping school because you asked me to. I've been asked by plenty of people, been threatened numerous times to stop cutting class, but I never listened. Until you said it, that is. I don't know what it is you have over me. You gained my soul by winning over my heart and mind. That happened in February, the sequel to the first event that occurred a month earlier.
It was midterms. I sped through my Spanish exam like a vegetarian with irritable bowel syndrome trying to get to a restroom that's forty miles away. I flipped my scrap paper over and began to doodle. Suddenly, a shadow is looming overcast over my paper. It was too tall and masculine to be her. I look up and there you were, watching me doodle. I waved silently but energetically to you, both of us knowing perfectly well we had to be quiet. You began to analyze my drawings, much in the same way you analyze me. The words you spoke to me would forever change my life, but I didn't know it yet.
"You're weird. But in the good way. I like you. A lot. You remind me of myself. You know, I'm a closet Trekkie. But if you tell anyone, I may have to kick you out of my class, and I don't wanna do that, because I like you a lot," you spoke those words and they stuck to my heart much in the same way poorly cooked rice does to a rusty pan. I laughed so hard I had to stuff my fist in my mouth so I wouldn't get thrown out of the exam. If I had known how much I loved you then, that situation could have gone much more differently.
That brings us back to where we were at the beginning. It was March when I recognized my feelings for you. I thought it was just a phase. But then I found myself thinking about you all the time, having to see you, needing to be near you. I knew this was much more than a schoolgirl crush. I had to have your eyes on me. I had to show you who I was and what I could do. I wanted to show you just how smart and clever I really was. Many times it backfired in my face. I admit I must have looked pretty stupid or foolish at times. I wish I could go back and erase that humiliation. And yet, you still never showed signs of disliking me in the least. On the contrary, you seemed to be as attracted to me as I was to you, but in a different sense of the word.
I think you wanted to get deep inside my mind as you could. You knew you had me hooked. I knew it too. I soon found myself tongue-tied around you. I could not spit out a single sentence without stuttering or getting nervous and choking up or turning bright red. You made my heart beat three times the pace it should. It's a wonder you didn't give me a heart attack. Could you hear my heart song calling to you? Could you? Did you hear it's sad, sorrowful verses crying out, "Love me? Please, love me." Did you sense the fear of rejection? Did you notice it in my eyes, the love I was giving you in my mind's eye? Oh it is true. I was loving you so deeply every time I looked at you, even while you were speaking to me. Could you tell? Did you ever notice how I was purposely trying to never break your gaze? I know you had to give undivided attention to the rest of the peers but I wanted it all. I selfishly and shamelessly craved your sole attention.
Soon it got to the point where nothing mattered anymore. No one else was important. My friends? To Hell with them, they couldn't possibly understand what I was going through, even the stuff not related to you. But you knew. I know you did. You sent me visions in my sleep. I had this one dream, and I will remember it clearly, that I was crying and you were holding me. You were caressing my neck with your tongue and massaging my shoulders, doing the only thing you knew how to do; to love. In between kisses you comforted me with those words I'd always dreamed of hearing.
You said, "It'll be all right, girl. I'll make it okay. I love you, don't cry." Then you took my hand and led it into yours, teaching it, telling me where to go and how to make everything right. Before I knew it, we were making love. Not sex mind you. We were making true love. We kissed so much I was almost certain we'd run out of air. I began to run my soft, ivory hands all over your body, caressing and tantalizing every inch of you; I had to make sure I got my fill in case I never felt this again. You took my hand and told me that tonight was my night and not to worry about pleasing you. You told me that I pleased you just by being there.
That's when you showed me things I could have never fantasized about before. You knew exactly where to touch, where exactly I needed love. And you did it in the least dirty way possible. You made me feel like I was your lover, your equal, and not some vulnerable sex object. I woke up from that wonderful dream and that's when I knew you loved me too. You sent me that dream and many more after it. You wanted to show me how much you did care.
I could see your affection clearly in the way you looked at me. You'd always have a straight face and a steel-casing over your eyes. But then your glance would wash over me, and you immediately burst into a huge grin and your eyes would soften at once, but still remaining fierce with passion. And I knew that day, and everyday you looked at me, you loved me too. If being able to make someone spontaneously burst into a smile just by seeing their face isn't love, then what is?
But here's the clincher. Every time you'd come around, my knees would get so weak. I felt like a table with a missing leg. Every time I saw you in the hallway, my heart would skip eight beats. I was certain you'd be the death of me. When you were around me, helping my friends, my hands shook so violently I thought I was having seizures. But then, something glorious happened. I got the courage to come in and see you all on my own, without one of my cohorts tagging along. You were in your room with another student. He was telling you something you had a lot of interest in, so I waited. But you interrupted him because you wanted to give me your full attention. I asked you if you could draw me some angel wings (I told you it was for my project, but in reality, it was because I always pictured you as an angel in blue jeans), and you did. Your eyes met mine, and for the first time, your face blushed almost as violently as mine always did. And as you set to draw the wings for me, your hands shook in exactly the same way mine did. That's how I know you love me.
That leads me back to the room I'm in now, pacing and wondering. I'm wondering, "How long is it going to be until we see each other again?" Will you still love me? Will you remember all that we had and all that we know? I'm scared to see you. But I need you. I need you in such a way it's scary. It scared the shit out of me sometimes. I wish I had a shirt of yours, a handkerchief, anything! I just want to hold it, smell it, taste it, and cherish it forever. I need you here. I sit down at my desk and open the drawer. I do have something of yours. Those angel wings you drew for me. You will always be my angel in blue jeans, and also my devil in disguise.
